We all have masculine and feminine energy within ourselves. It is good to have a balance of both. We each fall on a spectrum of how we typically express our energy, but each of us has a dominant essence.
Think of the characters of Sex and the City. Charlotte being the most feminine and Miranda as the most masculine. However, all of them are girly in appearance - dresses, make up, etc.
As working, educated women we have learned to become very comfortable in our masculine energy. We need it to thrive in the work place and the world today. Today’s society values masculine energy more than it does feminine energy. For example, a CEO makes more than a child care worker or an artist. It doesn’t mean one is better than the other. Results and money tend to trump well-being. Productivity is praised more than relaxation. Emotions are seen as weak.
I've noticed while working with different moms, that those expressing a lot of masculine energy have harder time embracing the more feminine aspects of motherhood (and vice versa).
Motherhood naturally brings out more feminine energy. It can be uncomfortable at first if you are more comfortable in your masculine energy. You might even feel weak, out of control, or vulnerable at first.
- Having to stop/reduce working and becoming financially dependent on their partner or others
- Physically sharing their body with a tiny being
- Physically having to slow down
- Becoming more emotional with hormones
- Feeling physically and emotionally more vulnerable (Needing extra protection from danger, disease, death etc)
- Having to deal with the emotions of a child
- Parenting doesn't involve clear goals, measurable outcomes, rewards, or measurable progress (ie it's not like work)
If any of this makes you uncomfortable, it simply means you need some practice on bringing out your feminine side that you may have been suppressing for most of your life.
Motherhood requires both energies.
Incredible moms are able to play up their strengths and get support for areas they don’t excel at.
Feminine is the ocean and masculine is the ship.
Take a look at this chart and see which energy you feel more comfortable with.
Masculine Energy in Motherhood
“I think”
Planning
Organizing
Goal and results oriented
Being on time
Placing intellect above emotion
Researching
Experimenting
Budgeting
Competitive
Main purpose is work/career
“me” oriented, taking care of self first
Forceful, assertive
Logic, mind, reasoning
Single-minded, Focused
Examples:
planning and scheduling family activities and weekly schedules
following bedtime routines
planning weekly meals
knowing developmental milestones
rewarding and punishing kids
creating a system to tackle laundry or cleaning
Feminine Energy in Motherhood
Main purpose is love
“I feel”
In the moment
Sensual
Places emotions over intellect
Energy and Movement
In the body, simply being
Single-minded, Focused
Multitasking
Playful, Imaginative
Creative
“we” oriented, taking care of others
Attracting, magnetic
Intuitive, heart, feeling
Examples:
playing on the floor
cuddling at night/hugging
not having an agenda for the day
cooking dinner, helping with homework, and doing laundry all at the same time
stopping and taking time to address yours or a kids needs (emotional, physical, spiritual)
sitting with kids in painful emotions
celebrating their innate beauty
Remember you need both!
How to become more comfortable in Feminine:
Yoga, dancing, therapy, put others first, volunteer, work with children or animals, massage, journaling, spending time in nature, vacation, play, coming to terms with your mothers issues with men, address your past wounds, making friends with women, allow others to share their emotions with you and just be present, share your emotion with others, notice beauty around you, do things that are pleasurable to you, allow others to serve you and take care of you.
How to become more comfortable in the Masculine:
Take the lead on a project, focus on your career, discover your life purpose (more than family, people), focus on yourself, put others second, make an effort to show up on time, set boundaries, take a stand for yourself and others, take less notice of others feelings, ask for a raise, negotiate, take up space in your home or office, develop a system, organize a closet.
Check out Approaching Motherhood for more information on taking a new approach to parenting. See how you can prepare for motherhood before you have kids. Find out what kind of mother you will be.
www.approachingmotherhood.com
Most of us can’t rely on our mothers and in-laws for free child care. Either they live too far away, it comes with strings attached, it’s too much for them, or they are still working full-time. Times have changed and finding cheap, reliable child care is more difficult.