There’s a million books on parenting and babies, not to mention advice from family and strangers. Then there’s the parenting forums and the Google rabbit hole. Everyone has a different take and statistics seem to say one thing one year and another the next.
If you are looking for someone to tell you how to the perfect parent, you are out of luck.
One thing that is always consistent and “right” is your intuition.
It can guide you by telling you what doesn’t feel right and/or by giving you a great idea or solution.
If you have time to further develop anything about yourself, your intuition would be one of the most useful things to come into motherhood with.
If you have a strong intuition you might usually say things like:
- “This feels right to me.”
- “No I don’t want to do that.”
- “Hell yes!”/”Hell no!”
- “I’ve got a gut feeling to…”
- “That doesn’t feel right to me.”
- *Sound of silence as you don’t really consider other’s opinions or how you look when you make decisions*
You might want to work on your intuition if you usually say things like:
- “I don’t know what to do!”
- “Well my mom thinks I should…”
- “I don’t want to hurt their feelings…”
- “I can’t, I’m afraid I’ll look (selfish, mean, bitchy, etc)”
- “What if I don’t make the right choice/mess up/let them down”
- “If I can be more like them, I will be happy/get it right/be successful”
You might have lost some of your ability to be intuitive from your childhood. If any of your parents were critical or you were often asked to sacrifice your needs/feelings for the better of the family, you might be a little rusty. If you are a perfectionist, type A, or worry-wort, you likely have lost a bit of your intuitive power. If you rely on logic, pros-cons list, or statistics for all decisions, you could probably use your intuition a bit more.
THE GOOD NEWS IS EVERYONE IS NATURALLY INTUITIVE.
It’s not a gift. It is a skill.
1. Know what your intuition sounds/feels/looks like.
- Intuition always feels like inspiration.
- It’s always positive, and not fear based. Your intuition won’t be scary or doomsday-ish. It will lead you to the good.
- It can be a feeling in your gut.
- A subtle feeling that something is off or wrong.
- A spontaneous idea that pops into your head.
- A dream. (positive)
- An image from meditating or praying
- Synchronicity that shows you the way. If you are considering two options and you keep getting little signs or nudges towards one.
- Feels true to who you really are, your true-self
- May not be popular.
- Great decision for the long run. Although may be uncomfortable in the short term.
- The answer that comes when you are still and quiet.
- Not fear-based or reactionary.
- For some people it is their first reaction. For others it is the reaction you get after you chill out.
- A “yuck” or “ehhh” feeling
- A “yay” or “yes” feeling
2. Clear out the statistic.
Often as women we feel our intuition but we don’t know how to clear the static around it. The static either keeps us from truly feeling our gut reactions or it keeps us from following them.
- Fear of failure
- Fear of danger/bad things/harm
- Others opinions.
- Your mother’s voice. Whether you are inclined to do what you think she would like or to do the opposite and spite her.
- FOMO- fear of missing out. If I say yes to this, will I miss out on the alternative?
- Disappointing others
- How you will look
- You don’t trust yourself. Someone taught you that their guidance is better than yours. Or maybe you failed in the past and you can’t forgive yourself.
3. Go with it.
Once you are able to listen to your intuition and clear out the static, you’ve got to give yourself permission to go with your gut. A lot of us feel our intuition talking to us, but go against it anyway. Only to regret it later. You’ll say things like “I didn’t trust him when I met him.” “I knew this would be a bad idea.”
- Say yes to yourself.
- Don’t apologize.
- Don’t explain yourself.
- Be confident in your decision and people won’t question you.
It’s always best to start small if you are rediscovering your intuition. Follow your little hunches or urges or inspired thoughts. Then one day you can use it to change jobs, parent better, start a new project, or set boundaries in relationships. You can easily and quickly gain confidence in your own natural internal compass.
Start with using your intuition to decide:
- What to wear
- What to do that weekend. Do you need to rest or go out?
- Who to hang out with
- What to eat/which restaurant. Don’t think too long or over-analyze. Go with your gut.
- When to call/text someone. If you feel like it, do it.
- What movie to watch
- When you are driving and get the urge to pull over and stop somewhere do it
Why you need your intuition when you have a baby or start a family.
- You need it to make sure you don’t just parent from a place of worry or fear.
- It will help you pick activities, classes, schools, doctors, etc.
- You will teach your kids not to rely on peers, you, or authorities for what to do.
- To shape your family and life into something that is true to you. You won’t wake up in 18 yrs unhappy.
- Knowing when to take time out for you.
- Knowing what you need to feel good, so you can be a better mom.
- Keep you focused on what is important and keep you from going into debt.
- And so much more.
Approaching Motherhood is an organization dedicated to empowering women to have a full, happy, motherhood experience. We help provide you with a strategy and a set of tools that will put you on the path to modern motherhood that will leave you feeling competent, empowered, and successful in the next stage of life.