Why You Don’t Have to Love Kids to Have Kids

love kids, hate kids have kids, nervous about motherhood

If you are worried you shouldn’t have kids because you can’t stand most children, then think again.

You aren’t meant to love and like all children. There is nothing wrong with you if you don’t flip your lid at every baby you see.

(You don’t even have to like your possible future kids all the time. Shh….)

Of course they annoy you when they are throwing tantrums in the middle of target. Of course you roll your eyes when your friends become 100% obsessed with their kids poop and sleep schedule. Of course you don’t want to go broke buying them things. And of course you don’t want to end up losing your identity and ruining your career for kids.

In full disclosure, I do flip my lid every time I see a baby or a kid. I love them. I wish there were more baby pics on my newsfeed. But when it comes to dogs … I’m like ehh. I’m not going to run over and try to pet your dog or ask it’s name. Who cares. But I do like a few dogs. I just happen to not want a dog right now. The responsibility, money, dog hair, boarding, time, etc. Doesn’t appeal to me. I’m open to having a dog in the future and then I’ll raise them how I want to. In ways that I think will be fun. It won’t get in bed with me, or on the couch. It won’t stay in a fancy boarding place. It will be happy poking around the back yard, guarding the house at night, and just generally fitting in with the fam.

Just like pet parenthood, you can make motherhood your own.

You don’t have to let your kids sleep in the bed with you….

If you believe motherhood and having kids will be a certain way then all you will have access to is bratty kids, wild kids, expensive kids, etc.  You have to believe things can be different, then you will be able to see different examples.

Stop looking at what you don’t want it to be like. And start looking for what you do want it to be like.


(That’s the only reason you should do anything. Why bother doing things because you think you should or because someone else thinks you should. )

The reason you don’t like other kids is because it doesn’t look like the kids or the parents are having any fun. Or maybe only the kids are having fun.

So think of ways you would think motherhood would be fun.

How could you make having a family fun for everyone?

Of course not every moment is going to be knee slapping fun, but do you think you could set your life up so you will enjoy it?

What makes you happy and makes you tick is different than most people. The more you know yourself and know what you love the more you can create a vision or a plan to enjoy motherhood.

How to create your own vision of motherhood and family.

Motherhood like retirement or college is what you make it. Some people have a blast in college, some people are miserable their first year. It’s all about deciding what you truly want and not letting anyone, including your limiting beliefs to get in the way.

  • Maybe your spouse will stay home with the kids
  • Maybe you will hire an amazing nanny
  • Maybe you will work part time and still put your kids in day care full time
  • You can keep your hobbies, friends, dreams, goals, and aspirations.
  • You can hire a night nurse so you can sleep the first year
  • You don’t have to breast feed or wear your baby everywhere.
  • You don’t have to give up all of what makes you you.

Not everything has to change, but not everything will stay the same.

You may think you are more of a business/career girl and less of a nurturing sweet mommy type. Check out Mary’s blog on her experience of moving from a business woman to a stay at home mom.

Stay open to things changing. Stay open to the idea that kids might change you.

Having kids is an adventure or a journey. It’s not something set in stone and just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you are predestined to experience anything.

If you decide not to have kids, that’s great and awesome. You will also have a fun and fantastic life. But if one of the main reasons you decide not to have kids is because you can’t stand most kids then think again. Look for examples of kids and family you think are having fun. 

So you can just drop your kid off at school and peel out. You don't need to be the PTA mom, you don't need to have birthday parties with 100 kids. You don't need to have sleep overs or chaperone field trips. 

You know I won't be the PTA dog mom. I'll probably just have one dog at some point. 

But I'll love that little dog and my life because I will make it what I want.


If you want to learn more about how to prepare for motherhood, you can follow our blog. Take our online workshop. Try one of our free quizzes. Sign up for our newsletter. Or follow us on social media @approachingmotherhood 

Approaching Motherhood is an organization dedicated to empowering women to have a full, happy, motherhood experience. We help provide you with a strategy and a set of tools that will put you on the path to modern motherhood that will leave you feeling competent, empowered, and successful in the next stage of life.

Posted on April 18, 2015 .