Infertility and trying to conceive are such heavy situations. There’s dread, fear, worry, anxiety, struggle, pain, loss, financial hardship, no control, broken dreams, etc. Blogs and blogs full of pain. There isn’t much out there on the gifts of infertility. Let's change that.
There is nothing in this life good or bad that isn’t a gift. There isn’t a time that could be a chance to learn, grow, explore, or stretch ourselves. Sometimes we just want to pout and grieve, but we don’t have to get stuck there.
One of the biggest pains in struggling to start a family is waiting.
Waiting is such a crappy word. We tell kids to wait, dogs to wait. We wait for hours at the doctor’s office. We associate waiting with not being good enough yet, not being valued, or somehow unworthy of getting what we have decided we want/need now. We associate it with having to hold off on joy, love, happiness. It’s an out of control feeling. No one likes to wait. It’s not so bad when you know exactly what time that thing we want is coming but often we have no clue.
While it may be the biggest pain in your side right now as you wait to conceive, as you wait to adopt, as you wait for results, wait for a sign, or you wait for a certain time of the month, you actually have a gift here.
What you really have a lot of while you wait is TIME. That’s the only thing you have in this uncertain space. So use it.
YOUR GIFT IS TIME.
(If you are still having a hard time seeing time as a gift or any of this journey as a gift, you can practice an affirmation that starts with “I’m willing to try to see that maybe on some level this is a gift” “I’m willing to see waiting as a gift” and so on. Start where you are. And just try to get to one level up.)
Some people will tell you to use this time to have fun with your partner, enjoy life, relax, etc. so you can conceive.
But not me. I think you can use this time to prepare for a baby in a real, constructive way.
They say people deal with anxiety/uncertainty by either numbing out or over-researching/digging in. I’m in the latter group. I’m guessing you are too if you are reading this.
Use this time to find some control and relief.
You might not be able to paint the nursery, schedule doctors’ appointments, buy a stroller, a breast pump, have a baby shower or tour hospitals. You might not even know how or when you will have a baby in your arms.
But you can get ready for motherhood in a way that is not focused on a baby. A way that is more beneficial to you and your baby than those baby-focused activities.
What’s so perfect about you and your situation is that you’ve got time, you are motivated, you are driven, and you are determined.
Driven to be a mom, and driven to be a great mom. You are more motivated than most to take such great care of this thing you have waited so long for. You won’t take anything for granted.
So how can you get ready to be a fantastic mom without a baby bump?
You can do it by emotionally and mentally preparing for life as a mom by:
- accepting & loving your body, so your daughter will love hers
- strengthening your relationship with your partner, so you can show your kids what love is
- learning to ask for help, so your kids will know how to help and ask for it
- finding your true-self, so you can show your kids how to make good choices
- listening to your intuition, so you can do what is best for your family
- creating your own vision of motherhood, so it will be FUN for you
- practicing self-forgiveness, so you can be free of guilt and present in the moment
- finding your happiness, so you can show your kids how to find theirs
- knowing how to take care of yourself, so you can be your best self
- following your bliss, so your kids can follow theirs
- loving yourself, so you can show your kids how to love themselves
- feeling full, loved, and whole, so your kids will feel the same
- re-parenting yourself, so your kids don't have to make up for your childhood
- and more!
So if anyone asks you what you are doing while you are making a vision board, finding a job you love, setting clear boundaries with in-laws, or telling yourself you look hot in the mirror, you can tell them you are getting ready for baby. Duh.
These things will benefit your kids more than a bigger car, a fat bank account and perfect baby gear. Trust me.
If that seems too overwhelming or you don't know where to start on yourself, you can start with these journal prompts. And when you are really ready to put in some work, our 6 week pre-motherhood course (which includes all the mom skills you can practice now) is always running.
Approaching Motherhood is an organization dedicated to empowering women to have a full, happy, motherhood experience. We help provide you with a strategy and a set of tools that will put you on the path to modern motherhood that will leave you feeling competent, empowered, and successful in the next stage of life
Most of us can’t rely on our mothers and in-laws for free child care. Either they live too far away, it comes with strings attached, it’s too much for them, or they are still working full-time. Times have changed and finding cheap, reliable child care is more difficult.