Yay! This is great news!
You are off the hook for being completely responsible for your kids’ happiness and feelings. You aren’t responsible for anyone’s feelings.
It seems counter intuitive because we often think a parent’s job is to make their kids happy and give them all the things they need to happy and successful.
Their good days and happiness is your happiness. When they open a present you thoughtfully picked out for them and they beam, you beam too. However, when they get behind or have a bad day, you automatically have a bad day. That's no way to live!
That really puts you at the mercy of them and out of control.
It puts a lot of pressure on you to provide just the right environment, toys, or experiences to make sure they succeed a life.
You feel like you have to give your all, sacrifice, change who you are to make sure this tiny person will have a great life.
But you don’t have to give up your happiness to give them theirs. What if taking care of your happiness first, helps them keep theirs.
Be confident and see the best in them. Know their overall general well-being. Know that if they aren't meant to be Olympic athletes they will find their way without you sacrificing huge parts of your life for them to have special training. Or if they are meant run businesses with people in China, the fact you didn't think to invest thousands in foreign language classes won't hold them back.
Trust they can find a way to soothe themselves, find their own happiness, and have all the things they want.
You aren’t here to feather their nest or hand them the perfect childhood on a silver platter.
They don’t want you to be, do, say, and give them everything perfect.
You can’t be dependent on their happiness to make you happy or to determine the mood of your day. Of course it feels good when you can give the something and they love it. Just like it feels good to make other’s happy.
But please don’t train them into thinking they need to depend on others to make them happy.
Show them how you make your happiness and good mood a priority and they will get permission to do the same.
motherhood insanity .....
So don’t spend money you don’t really have to take them somewhere amazing for a vacation they won’t remember.
Don’t stress yourself out planning the most epic birthday party.
Don’t feel like you have to make aquatic themed lunch boxes.
Stop doing things to make others happy at the expense of your own.
Stop training people to think others can be the source of their happiness.
I love this article by Bunmi Laditan. I'm Done Making My Kid's Childhood Magical.
“Suddenly, it came to me: We do not need to make our children's childhood magical. Childhood is inherently magical, even when it isn't perfect. My childhood wasn't perfect and we weren't rich by any stretch of the imagination, but my birthdays were still happy because my friends came over. It wasn't about the party bags, perfect decorations, or any of that. We popped balloons, ran around in the backyard, and we had cake. Simple. But when I look back on those times, they were magical.”